I started intention setting in 2015. Sitting around the new moon, gathered with like sisters, all wishing on stars. It was in June 2017, a major shift occurred. Maybe it was that I was so lonely, and I had hit the big, Post Partum depression thing or that isolation had taken me to questioning my life’s purpose again that I didn’t think twice to meet up with a new sisterhood gathering an hour away from my home. I left Seren with Striker and with some sage and a deep longing, hoped that touching the dusty earth could feed my starving uprooted being. That night under the dark blanket of stars I leaned in and remembered the word “love”. I made an oath that day on that I would “infuse” love into everything I did, from thoughts to actions to impressions to the way I communicated with the world around me and to myself. This simple act carried me up just enough out of the depths of depression that I could hear my breath, and stay present in it’s quiet airy whispers. Seeing.
I began to fall in love, with the present moment. Taking all that was in me and holding it, seeing it. My struggles I believed I had related to our move from the beach to the forest, to my old neighborhood where I spent many days locked away from the world out of this unspoken fear that I would be hurt because of my skin color or hair texture. 13 years later, the street I grew up on looked different from the perspective of the home I moved into. Though I was in a similar position of fear and chose isolation over exploration. I began loving the walls I built around myself so much so, I could peep outside of them with new perspective.
It’s almost one year since my crisis of deep longing and though each and everyday has been a living battle, I’ve come to learn the kindest approach to soothing my mental agitation. Acceptance.
As simple a word, the term made me cringe for months until I began it’s embrace. Softly holding the very essence of where I was, I could see who I was. I could choose to love her. As I did, I began to rise out of depression, and feel deep pain in my body.
This pain started in my left pelvic floor, and led me to research and therapy. I began the journey that love also holds, though painful, necessary. Releasing Shame.
It took two months before I graduated PT. From the study I discovered the parts that needed to be expressed was the shame I was holding in my body related to my sexual creative center. For years I had been carrying a story that I thought I could bury and forget, hide behind yoga and smiles but inside, every so often I’d be reminded that I had a disease that was eating away at my skin, that would bring me so low when it showed up, that I couldn’t be all that I was “trying” to show the world. The “fake it till you make it”, statement isn’t true to me. When I uncovered the story of this shame I felt more pain arise in me. I almost became paralyzed from it. But instead I chose to sit with it. Look at the message, and love it, love all of me, all my diseased parts and all the parts that were healthy. Healing.
When we begin the journey of healing a powerful drive to allow and surrender floods the heart. Like any wound, it takes the necessary time to build the trust up again within yourself. I could choose to fight this time, moving in a more masculine energy space against my natural inherent flow, or I could just trust. Surrendering.
I’m floating these days, mostly present, still attending my sister intention circles. This past New moon in February was so intense the force to simply let go guided me to honor my entire being.
It’s amazing the blooming that begins to open you when you flow with the internal seasons of your rhythms and the awakening and love that grounds your roots deep and your heart expanding towards the sky.
As I bloom, in my dreams I saw pearls, roses, crystals, salt and silk. The message that transpired became this littlest reminder that I am connected to all of life, to you and to the ethers. That my intentions do matter and that by honoring them I would see them manifest beyond the inter-webs.
I’d love you to know that every single string was caressed with my fingertips, and the two knots that hold the pearl bind our connection to our deep inner knowing and that of the intention of the sisterhood that we share here together.
Wearing your Intention bracelet will remind you of your powers to manifest, connect and to know your innate wild linage with the moon and all it’s messages in our guidance back to connecting with the divine feminine. The purest form of life-force currency.
Believing in yourself rises you up and all of us.